32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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