There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
