i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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