She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
