You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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