I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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