hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
