PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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