I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
