is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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