I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
