So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
