My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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