Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
