You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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