If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
