I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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