jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
