on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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