So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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