How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
