He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
