This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I see more hoeing in ur future
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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