Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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