Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
