Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
