We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
