I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
