My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
