guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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