i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
