Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
