man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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