the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
