too bad you live with your parents still
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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