I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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