so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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