How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
