I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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