It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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