Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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