so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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