We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
