the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And then he peed in my hair
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