How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
