I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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