Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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