...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
