I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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