I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
