So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
