i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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