It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
