i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".