the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...