i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty