I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.