I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
