when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
