Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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