It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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